Feb 19
DAY 2

Today's Weight: 209.5
Total Loss: 3 lbs

I got up at 3:00
Went back to bed at 4:30
Went to sleep about 6:00
Got up again at 8:30

Gee!! Makes me sound busy!
I joined FaceBook and I’m enticed by it! Cool!

So….the diet…. I have a headache. I find myself trying to ‘block’ the idea of food from my conscious. It’s 9:30 am and I just took a diethylprop. I refuse to eat lunch before noon, but my tummy feels very empty and my energy feels very artificial. I find myself not wanting to get on the scales, but I wanted to do this scientifically, so I got on anyway. I was down 3 lbs from yesterday. I know from past experience that the scales can make or break your attitude and although losing makes me stoked, I know that ‘not losing', or gaining can be this little devastation, so I kind of wish I didn’t know. I would like to go the whole 40 days, then get on the scale and just be surprised! There is lots of junk to remember.

Shot
Vitamins
B-12 under tongue
Fiber
Testo cream
Estro patch
Utract
Proges
Diethylprop

I went to bed last night and realized I’d skipped the B-12 under tongue. I thought I should get up and do it, but I didn’t, then when I woke up at 2:58 it was still bugging me, so I got up in about half and hour and took it. I need to list them individually on my chart.

So lunch was reheated steak, cucumbers and an orange. It’s only been acouple of hours and Im ‘hungry’. I know there is still beef in my belly because it doesn’t digest very quickly, so I’m either experiencing carb withdrawal or emotional hunger or something. Yesterday I took the 2nd pill around 3:00 I think, but today I want it right now.

OK. I’ve learned that I must feel the emotion and just notice it and let it be. What is the emotion? I feel restless, unfulfilled, anxious, constricted, deprived, trapped. These feelings are all understandable. I am in the habit of soothing myself with food, and I’ve cut myself off from that. Why do I need soothing?

Things that worry me…
Turning my addictive behavior elsewhere…
Shopping
Zuma
Vegging in front of TV
I’m also worried about taking meds that might be addictive
DEEP BREATH
Only 38 days after today. That’s just over a month. So this deprived hunger is temporary. I will not die. Hunger is just hunger. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t really even feel bad. I have sufficient strength. I am ok. I will go visit my mother.

I took a 2nd Diethylprop at 4:00. We went to WalMart to get some Sam’s water. We got home at 6:30 and Gary grilled some chicken breasts while I cooked some asparagus and made a batch of salsa. I diced my chicken, asparagus and salsa into a bowl and ate it like soup. It was quite good. Then I sliced a cup of strawberries.

I would rate today as kind of tough, but not inordinately so.
I can do this.