Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Wedding Diet

Minus 55 days on Mon Aug 2

First days of diets are always tough, but I got throught it!
Not hard not easy.
I give it a 3 on a 1-5 difficulty scale:)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Arghhhhhh!

video

Wow, I haven't blogged since December. I got a Flip camera and I've done a few videos, but David likes this one so much, I thought I'd put it out here so he could keep playing it.

Monday, January 11, 2010

214.5
That's my weight. Up 1/2 pound from last Monday.
I knew it. I have that bloated feeling that always precipitates a weight gain, but who wants to see that after the 'first week' of dieting.

I'll live. I'll carry on. (I hope)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Sunday

I could eat 60 points today and be within my allowance. All those exercise points will disappear tomorrow when my week starts up again.

I don't want to weigh tomorrow....I don't want this to be about 'weight'

Just one day at a time....not what happens tomorrow, next week, or even eventually, but what I can accomplish today to overcome my addiction.

If you think of addiction as bondage....who holds the key to my prison? Does Weight Watchers? No. They just make it more comfortable to be here by promising me a parole of sorts.

The keys are held by my Savior. The way out is not back tracking the way in. The way out is a new way.

-Matt 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Yesterday I ate 26 points. No exercise...unless Pinochle counts :)

Saturday, January 9, 2010

after 5 days on program...

“He Did Deliver Me from Bondage” By Colleen C Harrison on page 18

If we increase our dependence on anything or anyone except the Lord, we will find an immediate decrease in our freedom to act. (L. Tom Perry, Ensign, November 1991, p. 65)

We should put God ahead of everyone else in our lives. (Ezra T. Benson, Ensign, May 1988, p. 4;)

Yet no matter what the source of difficulty and no matter how you begin to obtain relief—through a qualified professional therapist, doctor, priesthood leader, friend, concerned parent, or loved one—no matter how you begin, those solutions will never provide a complete answer. The final healing comes through faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and obedience to His commandments. (Richard G. Scott, Ensign, May, 1994, p.7)

…we as a people have turned to “self” first, putting the greatest emphasis on our own “industry,” bringing ourselves dangerously in line with the “people of the church” in Alma’s day: "And it came to pass… that the people of the church began to wax proud ,…which they had obtained by their industry. (Alma 4:6)”

My (Dianne) thoughts:
I have been worrying this very idea for a while now. I read where others have just been 'healed' of their compulsions. It has been removed by God.
I waited and hoped that would happen for me. It didn't. Common sense tells me that I MUST use my agency in this process. I have to do something. I have to contribute. Of course I cannot heal myself. But my full participation in the process seems essential. I don't really need to worry if I am doing it right or wrong. I just need to take it all to Father in Heaven and keep making that connection As the saying goes, when the student is ready the teacher will come I am going to be 'okay' with the fact that I'm following Weight Watchers and coming to 12-Steps. I trust that inspiration is playing a big part in both decisions.

Moroni 10:32
Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.

I hope that I am not putting self-reliance before God Reliance…
Yesterday I ate 23 points and exercised for 35 minutes.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Day 3

“He Did Deliver me From Bondage” by Colleen C Harrison
Step 1 Day 4
"Mosiah 4:6 – I often say that I believe in the goodness of God, but when it comes right down to believing that this goodness is extended to me by my Savior I lose my faith. I would ask you in the words of King Benjamin “if you have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long suffering towards [you]”? Has this happened to you? Describe how this belief (or lack of it) impacts your life and influences your compulsive/addictive behaviors."

My answer….
Well this is something that I have to remind myself. I am beloved of God. He cradles me. Through his grace and great understanding, I am given all the chances I need to learn and grow. When I huddle away from this knowledge, I seek escape from life through my compulsive eating….over and over and over again. And while I am eating there is that false peace, that substitute comfort that seems to sustain me. BUT it is a card house with no foundation. I am seeking to remodel! I offer up a prayer with every step. I am still digging the foundation!

Here I am after 3 days on Weight Watchers. I had dreaded it so much, and I don’t really understand why… It hasn’t been excruciating or even painful. I have had to make some choices…like…I had a small hamburger at McDonald’s (5 points) instead of the quarter pounder and fries (20 points). And Cinnamon brought pizza from Costco and I had one slice of the veggie instead of 2 big slices of the supreme with all the kid’s leftovers. So there is the ‘no’ word, but compared to the HCG diet, this is a banquet.

One of my 'friends' in my 12-Step group said this,"I see that I still avoid, or want to avoid, certain behaviors because I want to avoid the consequences of those behaviors....not because of truth or for the love of God."

That is thought provoking for me. My motivation to lose weight still has little to do with eating 'good healthy' food because I love and respect my body. I don't cleave to the Word of Wisdom because God asks me to and I love him and want to follow him. I just don't want to be fat...that's why I do it.

Wednesday I ate 22 points and I exercised 30 min.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Day 2...

In the LDS ARP meeting I attended last night, we read and shared on the first step. There is a line from a talk given by Boyd K Packer, that I have heard many times, but last night I pondered it more deeply, “The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behaviour quicker that a study of behaviour will improve behaviour. Preoccupation with unworthy behaviour can lead to unworthy behaviour. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.”

So I have been thinking about that line…. “Preoccupation with unworthy behaviour can lead to unworthy behaviour.” What do I do with this idea? I know that every action is first a thought. My addiction foods (about anything really) first enter my consciousness. It can be triggered by many different things, but once the thought enters my mind, I really struggle to get it to leave. Yesterday I decided to keep a stick of gum in my pocket. I planned to use it to divert the thought. It is still there in my pocket. Yesterday was easier than I anticipated.

We had lunch at Chili’s. Bonnie and I shared a plate of Fajitas. It was good, but I didn’t feel ‘full’. The ‘thought’ of the molten chocolate cake entered my mind. My answer to the thought…. “You can have that, if you want to spend your points that way.” My points are like a tight budget. I have them and I can spend them however I wish. Just knowing that and giving myself the freedom to choose helped me with the passing thought….I didn’t need to ‘preoccupy’ myself with it. Later I indulged in a 3 point ice cream cone from McDonalds. It was a point expenditure I was willing to makeJ

Here is a scripture:

Alma 38:12
Use
boldness, but not overbearance; and also see that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love…

The sweet and terrible gift of agency….I am constantly given the opportunity to use it. Using ‘boldness and not overbearance’ is much gentler and pleasant than the “grit your teeth and comply” type of cure that I often try to enforce upon myself.

Yesterday I used about 22 points. Plus I exercised for 30 min.