Thursday, January 7, 2010

Day 3

“He Did Deliver me From Bondage” by Colleen C Harrison
Step 1 Day 4
"Mosiah 4:6 – I often say that I believe in the goodness of God, but when it comes right down to believing that this goodness is extended to me by my Savior I lose my faith. I would ask you in the words of King Benjamin “if you have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power, and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long suffering towards [you]”? Has this happened to you? Describe how this belief (or lack of it) impacts your life and influences your compulsive/addictive behaviors."

My answer….
Well this is something that I have to remind myself. I am beloved of God. He cradles me. Through his grace and great understanding, I am given all the chances I need to learn and grow. When I huddle away from this knowledge, I seek escape from life through my compulsive eating….over and over and over again. And while I am eating there is that false peace, that substitute comfort that seems to sustain me. BUT it is a card house with no foundation. I am seeking to remodel! I offer up a prayer with every step. I am still digging the foundation!

Here I am after 3 days on Weight Watchers. I had dreaded it so much, and I don’t really understand why… It hasn’t been excruciating or even painful. I have had to make some choices…like…I had a small hamburger at McDonald’s (5 points) instead of the quarter pounder and fries (20 points). And Cinnamon brought pizza from Costco and I had one slice of the veggie instead of 2 big slices of the supreme with all the kid’s leftovers. So there is the ‘no’ word, but compared to the HCG diet, this is a banquet.

One of my 'friends' in my 12-Step group said this,"I see that I still avoid, or want to avoid, certain behaviors because I want to avoid the consequences of those behaviors....not because of truth or for the love of God."

That is thought provoking for me. My motivation to lose weight still has little to do with eating 'good healthy' food because I love and respect my body. I don't cleave to the Word of Wisdom because God asks me to and I love him and want to follow him. I just don't want to be fat...that's why I do it.

Wednesday I ate 22 points and I exercised 30 min.

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