As goes the New Year, so goes the Whole Year...

Grandma used to say that. On New Years day one needs to be careful to have things organized, tranquil, and perfect.

I'm not that superstitious, but maybe.....

I have a day to finish up the year. Good! It can't be done, so I don't have to worry about it!

When I think of the diet, I feel both dread and anticipation. I know the first few days are difficult as your mind and body adjust.

From John Bradshaw’s “Healing the Shame that Binds You” page 225

“One of the best therapeutic successes I ever had was dealing with a woman’s weight problem. The success came as a result of this exercise. She felt she was twenty-five pounds overweight. She was contemptuous of her body and put herself down with comparisons and self-labeling. I worked with her for several months, continually challenging her comparisons and put-downs. I’d ask her, “Will you love and accept yourself for that?”
No matter what she said, I’d challenge her with that statement. Gradually she began to accept herself just as she was. I refused to talk about diets or exercise. I knew that until she accepted herself exactly as she was, she would never change. She couldn’t lose weight by continually shaming herself. How can a problem that is organized and motivated by toxic shame be cured by increasing the toxic shame? Every time my client compared herself or put herself down with a negative label, she started a shame spiral. The shame spiral intensified the toxic internalized shame, which set her up to eat more as a way to mood-alter the pain of the shame. Self-labeling and odious comparisons are the way to stay overweight, not the way to lose weight.
In order to heal the shame that binds you, you have to begin with self-acceptance and self-love. Love creates union. When we make the decision to love ourselves unconditionally, we accept ourselves unconditionally. This total self-acceptance creates “at-one-ment.” We are at one with ourselves. Our full power is available to us because we are not dissipating our power by having to guard our hungry dog in the basement (our split-off parts).”

I know that only by healing the 'whatever' that drives me to eat and numb the feelings that keep coming up, will I ever truly succeed at this.

Self-love and self-acceptance seem simple really. I can love pretty instantly and on cue -- but that is others, not me. working on it....

scripture for today....
Moroni 7:45
And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

It would behoove me to practise a little charity on myself....(typing this makes me feel selfish, too concerned about me, puffed up and envying) good fodder for thought...

Have a great New Years Eve....

Mistakes as Teachers...

Ether 12:27
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Bonnie gave me a book for my birthday, “Weakness is Not Sin” by Wendy Ulrich, PH.D.
I didn’t read it right away because I am reading a pile of books at once – always—

What weakness is it that drives my compulsion to eat? I have spent much time and money trying to solve this puzzle. My therapist tells me it is the one comfort, indulgence, and escape that I allow myself. The next obvious question would be why do I ‘constantly’ need comfort, indulgence, and escape. Still working on that one…If you have insight…feel free to share!

I realize that this compulsion is a weakness. I understand that weakness actually comes from God. I also see that my own inability to ‘overcome’ this particular weakness has turned me to him. Aha! I have reached the humble stage of this process.

Of Course I have sought the help of Heaven in my past diets. I have received priesthood blessings and have prayed. I have wondered why my prayers were not answered. I see now they were answered. It is much like me when I watch our babies taking their first steps. I applaud their efforts and cheer them on, even when they fall. It is part of the successive approximation. Each time they fall (fail) there is something learned going on. It is all part of the success formula. We only fail when we fail to try.

So I am in the preparation stage of this attempt at ‘walking’. This New Year starts with a fast Sunday. I will fast that I might know Father’s will for me. I am working on being more in-tune with the spirit.

Talk to you tomorrow…

I'm Back....

Take yourself out, dust yourself off, and start all over again....

I started attending 12-Step meetings to address my addiction to food and my compulsive over-eating. I attend the Church ARP (Addiction Recovery Program) each week, and I attend an on-line meeting every morning, the Heart to Heart Program. (mostly Mormons)
In the first steps of the 12, one admits they are powerless and that God has all power and they turn their addiction over to God.
I have struggled with this concept worrying that by going on a diet I am trying to take back the control I have surrendered. In the mean time, I keep gaining weight, waiting for God to 'fix me'.
I can see by this, that I must participate without taking control. Only with his help can I achieve anything, but he needs me to do something so he can help me with it.

I am starting Weight Watchers on Jan 4. I invite anyone who would like to join me!

This is my scripture for this week of preparation...

Mosiah 7:33
"But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage."

I weighed 214.5 on my scale on Monday morning.

My goal is to lose 1 pound this week. I am taking this 1-step at a time.